I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
