I am puke
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
