he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
