It was confusing and full of hummus
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
