Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
