that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward