they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.