i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.