I didn't shave. On purpose
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
