I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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