He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
