she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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