he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
