my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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