I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
