I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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