I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
