I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
