shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
