well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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