i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could make wine with my vomit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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