Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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