if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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