my vag is so smooth its legendary
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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