Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
