dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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