we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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