I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
