Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
