Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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