we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
