i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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