she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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