remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
