You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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