I cannot find my penis.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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