Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
