They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ttyl tear gas
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
