who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
only if we run a train.
done.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
