Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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