Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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