he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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