: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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