I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
