Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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