things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
