Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
