I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
