I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
