I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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