Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
