is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
