i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
