Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
