Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if you like me you must not know who I am
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize