I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
is that a dick in a sweater?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
