Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
