It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
