I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
