I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
