I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
