on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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