I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
