thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
