I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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