when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
as a side note pls kill me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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