you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
