woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He? As in you personified your dick?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
