he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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