My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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