let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
