The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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