found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Houston, we have a squirter
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh god it's open bar.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
