I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
