It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
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I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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