I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
