Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
