Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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