Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize